Today I woke up and thought about what I wanted to write. Nothing came to mind immediately. I didn’t jump out of bed until I pondered some thoughts that filled my mind. Just to be alive and grateful for all of life’s blessings came to the surface. I started to reflect on the past 12 years of my life and I shook my head in disbelief. I thought about where I was in mid 2000 up until the beginning of 2002 and emotion started to take over my entire body. I lost my freedom for close to 16 months in the United States for conspiracy to distribute marijuana. For over 500 days I didn’t see the light of day. It was a maximum facility prison that was run in a very military fashion. From where I came from to where I found myself it was a humbling situation to say the least. It was going to be the biggest test of my life up to that point. I knew that making the choice to put myself in that position was my doing. It happened for a reason, and after only a few days in that place when the initial shock set in, I realized how precious our freedom as human beings on this beautiful planet is.
I know now that it was a blessing that it happened as it opened my eyes to all kinds of different people that were in there for all kinds of other crimes. I was in there with all walks of life. I would stare out the window of my cell for countless hours and watch airplanes come and go from a near bye airport wondering where they were going in envy. The time eventually passed and upon my release I learned many valuable lessons on how precious life is. I learned a lot about respecting others and patience as well. Because if you didn’t get along with the people in there it could turn ugly real fast.
Upon my release I was very institutionalized and culture shocked. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was lost and confused. And after 16 months with no toxins in my body, no sun, and no love..I didn’t exactly become a good boy right away. I held all my emotions in and hid behind strong emotions and fear. I very seldom talk about this to anyone, but this morning I just felt compelled to write a bit about my experience. In there the smallest things like getting a fresh apple was a big deal! I finally woke up years later and realized that I had to make a change. I realize now that everyday, no matter what “issues” arise in my life are very insignificant compare to the lonely days I spent in prison. It took me sometime to actually find myself. But as I write this I realize that it’s been exactly 10 years since my release.
Every moment is special to me now. I look at everything in a different way. I really believe that there’s no time to waste. But what it’s made me realize, is that whatever has happened in ones life, no matter how bad the situation, if we accept it as a lesson and look at what good we can take out of the situation it’s only as big as we make it. Just having our freedom in this world is a beautiful thing. I know I not only hurt myself, but a lot of others along the way. It drives me now to be honest in everything I do and treat everyone I see with love and respect as for years I got blinded by the environment I put myself in.
Take time to see all the beauty around us…Ryan